Still Beats Your Name...

"Let this burden drift away

My pledge remains faithful to you

and my heart still beats your name"

You know, we all have regrets in life, whether we want to admit it or not. I've been kinda down about a few things recently, and it's all about what I regret. Just like everyone else, I regret things I've done in the past, and I also regret things that I didn't do when I had the opportunity. I found myself in one of those meditative states, looking at my past and realizing what I should have done. 

I thought about how I treated my mom before she passed away. I wasn't mean to her, but I could have treated her far better. One Friday, we got into an argument right before I had to leave to go to my dad's for the weekend. Of course, before I left, I told her I was sorry and told her I loved her, then I left. We talked that Saturday morning like nothing happened the day before, but only for a minute. That night, she sent me a text message telling me that she loved me, and she couldn't wait to see me the next day. Unfortunately, I didn't text back, because I was watching a movie. No big deal, right? Wrong. My mother passed away that Sunday at about 2 a.m. I never got to say good bye. That is my single biggest regret. I will never forgive myself for the rest of my life for that.

The past few weeks have really been a revelation for me. As graduation gets closer every day, I became more and more aware of things I should have done a long time ago. I'm trying to take advantage of the time I have left, but I can't help but feel like I'm too late. My love life is less than stellar, by far. I honestly don't regret but a few ex-girlfriends, but I do regret people that I should have taken the risk with. I've really kicked myself in the butt for it, even though I know that won't help anything. I really wish I would've acted sooner ( or acted at all) with some. The worst feeling about it is that I'm just now realizing it at the end of my senior year. 

But I guess that's life. Everyone has regrets. It's just a burden we must bare.

Life

"Moving on is a simple thing... What it leaves behind is hard." - Dave Mustaine

I've been thinking a lot lately about this wild ride we call life, and how some take no risks, or take it for granted. I haven't had the best of luck throughout life so far, but life is what you make of it. I hate to hear people complain about their lives. If you don't enjoy your life... change it. Only you have the power to do that. You are your own best friend, and at the same time, your worst enemy. If you choose to complain about your life, it's not going to be fun. And yes, I understand all too well that there are things in this world beyond anyone's control, but there are those (like me) who choose to endure through dark times and see the good in life.

Take chances. Go beyond the distance. Break through the obstacles that life puts in your way. Do something with your life. It's incredibly rewarding to know you've made a difference in the world in some way, even if you've changed just one person's prospective in a positive way. That's one of the main reasons I'm studying to be a music teacher. Since I was very little, I've had a passion for music. I believe if I can share that passion with one person, I'll be satisfied with my career. 

Life can be rough, as we all know. There will be dark times. Two years ago, my mother passed away. It was, undoubtedly, the worst experience of my very short life. As a 16 year old, losing your closest friend and relative is hard. I have never been so depressed. It took great friends, great family, great music, and a loving and merciful God to get me through. When I was depressed, I thought only of myself. The old "whoa is me" kind of thing. But then I realized, "There are other people around you that care about you, and depend on you for strength, stupid." It took a little while, but I was focused on making my world a better place. That was almost 2 years ago, and I believe I'm a much better person now because of it. It may not seem like it in your times of sorrow, but everything does happen for a reason.